It’s one of the best nights in wrestling! It’s time for the Royal Rumble! Andy Marshall will provide the play by play and he and Keila Cash will be back after the show with Break It Down, the PPV recap show, exclusive to the Fight Game Media Network Patreon. Subscribe!
What’s up ladies and germs, we’re going to get this Royal Rumble train going real soon! Thanks for joining me on the coverage.
This match was moved to the Royal Rumble Kickoff Show, like the afterthought it’s been booked as!
WWE Women’s Tag Team Championship Match
Nia Jax and Shayna Baszler vs (c) WWE RAW Women’s Champion Asuka and Charlotte Flair
Nia and Shayna make their entrance together, to Nia’s music. They’re not like most girls! Not only do Asuka and Charlotte get separate entrances, but Charlotte enters second, *after* the singles champion.
This match being moved to the pre-show feels like a nod to the whacky booking over the last month since TLC. It’s really the only match they could have moved, with Sasha and Carmella working a proper singles feud that deserves a proper payoff.
Charlotte works with Nia, before they both make tags to Asuka and Baszler. Nia tags in as Asuka can’t seem to make it back to tag in Flair. Nia takes Charlotte off the apron before Asuka knocks her down for a nearfall.
Asuka finds herself powerbombed by Nia with Charlotte down on the outside before she breaks up the pin attempt. The ThunderDome is on it’s feet(?)
We get chops from Flair to Baszler before an awkward looking backbreaker and facebuster. She hits a double Natural Selection on both challengers for a two-count. Todd Phillips points out how rarely people are able to survive that move.
Baszler wallops Flair with a knee to the jaw for a two. Asuka with a flying hip attack from the apron to the outside on Nia. Charlotte climbs to the top rope with a moonsault to the outside that grazes her opponents.
Then, Ric Flair’s music hits!
A Wild Lacey Evans appears and causes a distraction before Charlotte puts Baszler in a Figure-Eight, which is broken up by Evans. Charlotte reverses a Kirafuda Clutch into another Figure-Eight attempt before Lacey Evans hits a weapon assisted Women’s Right on Flair and she is out cold. Nia Jax drops a leg on a prone Flair and covers her for a three.
WINNERS and NEW WWE Women’s Tag Team Champions: Nia Jax and Shayna Baszler
We return to the pre-show panel where we are treated to Peter Rosenberg in 8K definition. The less said, the better.
We’re just a few minutes away from the start of the 2021 Royal Rumble! We then learn the WWE Championship match will be opening the show!
WWE Championship Match
Goldberg vs (c) Drew McIntyre
If I can editorialize for a second, it’s really nuts Goldberg is challenging for the main belt of the industry in 2021.
Goldberg arrives to his classic WCW theme, led to the ring by a team of security guards. We get piped-in chants of “Goldberg” from the ThunderDome.
Drew McIntyre attacks Goldberg before the bell and hits a spear which sends Goldberg to the outside.
Goldberg recovers and throws Drew into the ring steps before hitting a spear of his own through the barricade. This match is not official yet. The commentary team mentions Drew’s ribs as he crawls into the ring and the bell rings.
McIntyre hits a Claymore kick but Goldberg kicks out at 1 1/2. Drew goes for a second but misses. Goldberg hits a spear as McIntyre sells his ribs and another spear. McIntyre kicks out at two!
Goldberg calls for the Jackhammer and hits it. Covers, 1, 2, KICK OUT! Samoa Joe remarks Goldberg is visibly confused at this. Goldberg goes for another spear and misses, he hits a second Claymore kick and covers for the win!
WINNER and still WWE Champion, Drew McIntyre
Post-match, Goldberg lingers around before a show of respect handshake and hug with McIntyre. A solemn Goldberg leaves without incident as McIntyre poses for the ThunderDome.
Hits keep coming as we have the SmackDown Women’s Championship match up next.
WWE SmackDown Women’s Championship Match
Carmella w/Reginald vs (c) Sasha Banks
Carmella out first alongside her sommelier. We get a flashback to two weeks ago when Sasha tapped Reginald out on Friday Night Smackdown. Sasha cuts a confident babyface promo backstage before her entrance. I’m still not feeling the Snoop remix of Sasha’s theme.
Sasha looks for a Banks Statement very early but it’s blocked and Carmella powders to the outside. Banks with a springboard arm drag before a big chop to Carmella. Reggie gets thrown into the apron by Banks but the distraction allows Carmella to get the upper hand. Carmella throws Banks into the ring for a two-count.
Carmella locks in a rope-assisted Code of Silence before breaking the hold before the five-count. Banks fights back but is taken out by an Edge-a-cution style takedown. Carmella attempts a head scissors takedown from the top but is shoved off before Banks hits Meteora.
Banks is now favoring her knee. Carmella then ties Sasha’s hair to the bottom ring rope. She shouts at Banks how much better and stronger she is before shouting “I’m Carmella!” Shades of The Mountie.
Banks recovers and throws Carmella into the turnbuckle before hitting a CodeBreaker for a two-count. Sasha goes for her dad’s move, Three Amigos but Carmella reverses. Banks is thrown outside but gets caught by Reginald. Sasha hits Reginald before he’s thrown out by the referee.
Carmella then comes out of nowhere with a suicide dive onto Banks. Carmella rolls Banks into the ring but only gets a two. Carmella showing visible frustration at not being able to win the match. Carmella with a series of nearfalls on Banks. Banks eventually completes the Three Amigos, but then tries to hit her dad’s other move, the Frog Splash. Carmella gets the knees up and reverses into a Code of Silence submission. Sasha fights out.
Corey Graves says it’s about which woman wants it more, directly from the big book of sports cliches. Banks jumps off the top rope into a superkick, before another superkick from Carmella, who only gets a two.
Banks then pulls the Banks Statement out of nowhere and gets the tap out victory. What the heck?
WINNER, and still WWE SmackDown Women’s Champion: Sasha Banks
We get a backstage promo with Big E and Xavier Woods who are interrupted by my spirit animal, Sami Zayn. We get the return of Kofi Kingston! Surprised that wasn’t saved for the Rumble, but very glad to see him. He says he’s not medically cleared, but he hypes up Big E and Woods before the Rumble. The New Day is wearing their Brodie Lee (RIP) inspired gear tonight.
Bad Bunny performs
Booker T is dressed as GI Bro as they recreate the music video for the single Booker T.
Women’s Royal Rumble Match
Entrant #1 – Bayley
Entrant #2 – Naomi
Naomi is our first surprise entrant of the night, returning from…being away! Going to try to keep up with the action folks, but we got two Rumbles and it’s not even 8 PM. Bayley talks some shit before getting a boot from Naomi. Naomi hits the Rear View, our second flying bum tackle of the night.
Entrant #3 – Bianca Belair
The sentimental and possibly odds on favorite enters in the Ric Flair spot of #3. Bayley just barely avoids getting thrown out by Belair before she escapes. Bianca then tries to throw Naomi over the top. We get a whacky repeated cartwheel spot where they go over about three times.
Entrant #4 – Billie Kay
It would be great if Billie Kay could hand out the 8x10s she’s brought to the ring. She instead heads to commentary and says she’s thinking about entering the ring. Belair dangles both feet but avoids elimination.
Entrant #5 – Shotzi Blackheart
Shotzi’s out with the tank, our first NXT superstar of the night. She almost runs over Billie Kay but gets a tank missile shot at her as the 8×10 go flying. Shotzi with a Daniel Bryan buckshot dropkick to enter the ring. Billie Kay is back on commentary and selling the shock of getting a missile shot at her.
Entrant #6 – Shayna Baszler
Billie Kay leaves commentary again to greet Shayna but gets knocked to the side. Bazsler in with kicks to Belair. She hits a spinebuster on Naomi.
Entrant #7 – Toni Storm
Billie Kay once again leaves commentary to greet Storm, who ignores her and enters the ring. Toni Storm is the current NXT Women’s champion #1 contender. Naomi hits another Rear View, as we get our third bum tackle of the night. Shayna dumps out Blackheart for the first tlimination.
Shotzi Blackheart has been eliminated
Entrant #8 – Jillian Hall
Jillian sings her own entrance before Billie Kay again approaches her and finally forms a partnership! They hit a double team suplex on Naomi.
Entrant #9 – Ruby Riott
Ruby has her Zack Ryder Memorial one legged tights on, as usual. This is her third Royal Rumble. Toni Storm takes her down with a huge German suplex. Ruby appears to join the Billie and Jillian partnership.
Entrant #10 – Victoria
She looks great! Two-time women’s champion rounding out the numbers for WWE tonight. Victoria is wrecking house before being taken out by Naomi.
Entrant #11 – Peyton Royce
Royce immediately hits The Judas Effect on Ruby Riott. Peyton and Billie Kay reunite as the IIconics before Bayley breaks up the moment. Royce hits a Widow’s Peak before Victoria hits a much better one on her.
Entrant #12 – Santana Garrett
We have 11 women in the ring, they’re getting ready for someone to come out and wreck everyone. Garrett throws Ruby over the top rope but she avoids elimination.
Entrant #13 – Liv Morgan
Meanwhile, the Billie and Jillie union has ended. Love is dead. They’re both eliminated.
Billie Kay has been eliminated.
Jillian Hall has been eliminated.
Entrant #14 – Rhea M’F’N Ripley
Ripley in 8K? Yes, please. Rhea starts cleaning house.
Victoria has been eliminated.
Santana Garrett has been eliminated.
Entrant #15 – Charlotte Flair
Here she comes, to rain on Ripley’s parade, last year’s winner. Dark horse to win it again based on the outcome of the pre-show match tonight. Charlotte comes in a beats up everyone, including Ripley. Riott gets powerbombed to the outside by Bayley.
Ruby Riott is eliminated.
Entrant #16 – Dana Brooke
Dana Brooke off the top rope with a double dropkick. She does it again to take out a huddle of women in the center of the ring. Dana Brooke appears to do the handspring back elbow to no one, before doing it to Bianca Belair in the opposite corner.
Liv Morgan is eliminated
Entrant #17 – Torrie Wilson
WWE Hall of Famer, Torrie Wilson joins the fray. She is booked like the Undertaker and takes out everyone who steps up. Dana Brooke hits a Frankensteiner on Ripley. Ripley is knocked to the outside by Brooke, who she reverses and eliminates. Third elimination for Ripley.
Dana Brooke is eliminated.
Entrant #18 – Lacey Evans
Ric Flair’s music hits first, to introduce Evans, who is wearing another of Ric Flair’s robes. Charlotte Flair is preoccupied with Evans on the outside, who is taking her sweet time to get in the ring. Evans is busy posing and Charlotte just wrecks her. Flair and Evans to the outside, under the bottom rope. The two fight on the outside. While getting back in the ring, Flair dumps out Royce.
Peyton Royce is eliminated.
Torrie Wilson is eliminated.
Bayley is eliminated.
Entrant #19 – Mickie James
Mickie with a nice kick to Evans on the outside on the way in. Bayley was dumped out by Belair as James made her entrance. Bayley lasted about 30 minutes from #1. Flair and Mickie James work in the corner.
Entrant #20 – Nikki Cross
Holy shit is Nikki Cross’ music bad. I hate this story about her just making the Rumble roster this afternoon. They need every woman they can get! Anyway, Nikki hits a big bulldog on Belair.
Entrant #21 – Alicia Fox
As Noam Dar might say, Alicia FOOOOOKS. R-Truth’s music hits followed by the 24/7 title jobbers. Truth is in the ring knocking away challengers, when suddenly…
Alicia Fox pins R-Truth to win the 24/7 title
Entrant #22 – Mandy Rose
Alicia Fox is eliminated shortly after and R-Truth pins her to win the title back
R-Truth pins Alicia Fox to win the 24/7 title.
Alicia Fox is eliminated
Entrant #23 – Dakota Kai
Team Kick is in the building as Kai makes her second appearance in a Royal Rumble. Women’s Right to Mickie from Evans and she’s gone.
Mickie James is eliminated.
Naomi has been in for 47 minutes.
Entrant #24 – Carmella
Reginald tends to ‘Mella before she runs in. Ripley eliminates Kai, then Mandy.
Dakota Kai is eliminated.
Mandy Rose is eliminated.
Nikki Cross tries to eliminate Carmella but Reginald catches her. She eliminates Cross as a receipt.
Nikki Cross is eliminated.
Entrant #25 – Tamina
THE TAMINA TRAIN IS COMING! Tamina punches Reginald who drops Carmella, who is eliminated.
Carmella is eliminated.
We get a standoff with Tamina and Ripley. Naomi is thrown out but her feet never touched the ground. She is on her back like a turtle. She then grabs the braid of Bianca Belair to avoid elimination.
Entrant #26 – Lana
She’s back! She looks very angry. She tries to eliminate Rhea Ripley right away but is unsuccessful. Tamina interrupts. Belair does the Shawn Michaels feet dangle spot for like the fourth time tonight. Shawn did it once!
Entrant #27 – Alexa Bliss
Alexa makes her entrance to the Firefly Fun House music. Alexa takes a lot of the women out, but they all gang up on her. Alexa causes some of the ThunderDome screens to short before she’s eliminated by Ripley.
Alexa Bliss is eliminated.
Entrant #28 – Ember Moon
Ember is out next with her Braun Strowman haircut. She nails Shayna Bazsler with the Eclipse.
Entrant #29 – Nia Jax
We already know #30 is Natalya, so that is the roster for this year’s first Rumble. Bazsler and Jax work together quickly to dump out Lacey Evans, Ember Moon, and Naomi.
Lacey Evans is eliminated.
Ember Moon is eliminated.
Naomi is eliminated.
Then they get Tamina
Tamina is eliminated.
Jax and Baszler are working over everyone. Jax turns on her partner and eliminates her.
Shayna Baszler is eliminated.
Lana tries to eliminate Jax but misses. Jax is then eliminated by Lana.
Nia Jax is eliminated.
Entrant #30 – Natalya
Jax and Baszler beat up Lana before re-entering the ring to beat everyone else up. Then they leave without further incident. Natalya helps up Lana and gives her a hug, before Natalya attacks her.
Lana is eliminated.
The final four is Charlotte, Rhea Ripley, Bianca Belair, and Natalya. Nattie hits a German suplex on Ripley. She lifts her over the top rope and they battle on the apron. Nattie gets eliminated in the process.
Natalya is eliminated.
Flair, Belair, and Ripley remain. The three square off after a tense stare down. Belair and Ripley gang up on Flair. Flair fights back with an overhead suplex on Belair. Flair points at the WrestleMania sign as Ripley looks on before they start fighting. They battle toward the ropes. Ripley tries to eliminate Flair but Belair and Ripley finish the job.
Charlotte Flair is eliminated.
Ripley and Belair remain in the match. They fight to the apron and both go over the top rope. They both sit on the apron and share a moment. They agree to go back in the ring and settle things. Ripley charges and they brawl in the corner. Belair levels Ripley with a facebuster. What a match! Ripley goes for the Riptide but Belair reverses and eliminates Ripley!
Rhea Ripley is eliminated.
WINNER: Bianca Belair
Bianca Belair wins from the #3 position. It’s a touching post-match promo where Belair is overcome with emotion.
During the break, Pete Rosenberg won the 24/7 title. Moving on.
WWE Universal Championship Last Man Standing Match:
Kevin Owens vs (c) Roman Reigns
Might be light on the action here because, see above. Got another one of those coming up!
That said, they took their sweet time getting this one underway. I appreciate that Heyman taking over ring announcing duties is still reserved for Brock Lesnar.
The bell rings and they start hockey fighting. Reigns gets the upperhand and hits a Super-Man Punch. Reigns talks shit as the referee starts his count. Owens up at four. Owens hits a pop-up powerbomb to put Reigns down as the referee counts to 4. Reigns powders to the outside. They fight out there and Reigns hits the ring post and Owens is sent into the steps. Reigns then hits a spear on the outside as the ref again counts.
Owens is up at a count of seven. Reigns and Owens fight through the ThunderDome screens like they did on SmackDown. Reigns is thrown into the LED board of the ThunderDome. Owens getting a lot of offense in the early going. I’m sure that bodes well!
Owens hits Reigns with the steps as he climbs the scaffolding of the arena with Reigns laid out below before Reigns fights back and hits Owens in the eyes. They battle on the platform above some tables I’m sure won’t come into play.
They continue to fight through the “crowd” as they trade offense back and forth. Owens with a chair shot to the side of Reigns as Michael Cole refers to him as “the thinking man’s wrestler.” Owens goes for a Stunner but teeters on the edge of the platform. He comes back with a Super-Man Punch on Owens before he straight up fucking THROWS him off the platform through those tables, good grief.
Owens drags himself to his feet at a count of nine! That landing looked brutal. Owens stumbles his way through the backstage area. Roman Reigns runs Kevin Owens over with a golf cart. He goes through the windshield. Jesus!
Owens gets to his feet at a count of nine, again! Reigns is bleeding from the mouth as he shit talks Owens. Owens fighting back now with desperation. He says his grandfather was more man than Reigns will ever be, before hitting a pop-up powerbomb on a table that doesn’t break. Owens climbs some luggage and hits a Frog Splash through the table. Owens is up. Reigns is up at nine!
Owens continues the assault and hits Reigns with a small ladder for a nine-count. Owens fires up a forklift and raises a pallet up where Owens climbs up. Reigns is laying on a table below. Kevin Owens hits a Swanton Bomb off the top of the forklift to Reigns! Both men up at a count of nine.
Kevin Owens screams at Reigns as he throws him into some backstage equipment. They make their way back into the ThunderDome and Reigns is again up at a count of nine. Reigns with a desperation Super-Man Punch. He spears Kevin Owens through some LED screens! Reigns is back to his feet. Owens is up at nine with a clever spot where he rolls off the stage to get to his feet.
Reigns is stalking a dazed Owens with a pair of handcuffs, and starts striking Owens repeatedly with them. Reigns is trying to handcuff Owens but he gets hit with a Stunner to knock Reigns down. Owens is hammering away at Reigns with the handcuffs now. Owens handcuffs Reigns to a lighting rig! Reigns is stuck while the referee counts. Reigns grabs the referee and throws him into the lighting rig at a count of nine! Reigns with a low blow on Owens.
Paul Heyman makes his presence felt as he unlocks Reigns from his handcuffs. Reigns locks in the Guillotine Choke to knock Owens out. Both men are down as the referee counts. Reigns is up to his feet as the referee counts to ten.
WINNER and still WWE Universal Champion: Roman Reigns
Well here we go, it’s time for the main event of the evening.
Men’s Royal Rumble Match
Entrant #1 – Edge
Entrant #2 – Randy Orton
Edge jumps Orton in the middle of his entrance to reignite the rivalry. This is Edge’s first match since May. We’re officially underway.
They powder to the outside through the ropes for some brawling. Randy Orton appears to have completely recovered from his facial burns.
Entrant #3 – Sami Zayn
The conspiracy victim, Sami Zayn enters his fourth Rumble. The heels work over Edge. Michael Cole mentions how it’s bad to come out at three, like Bianca Belair didn’t just win the Rumble from there.
Entrant #4 – Mustafa Ali
Uh, was the RETRIBUTION theme always so funky? Ali joins the heel beatdown on Edge.
Entrant #5 – Jeff Hardy
The ThunderDome pop for Hardy is about half of what he’d actually have gotten. Hardy with Whisper in the Wind to Ali. Goes for the Twist of Fate but gets pushed into an RKO. Orton drops Zayn with an RKO. Then another RKO to Ali. Edge then hits a spear on Orton. Orton rolls out of the ring as Edge gives chase. They brawl on the outside as they make their way to commentary. Edge hits a huge Evenflow DDT to Orton on the table, that does not break.
Entrant #6 – Dolph Ziggler
Ugh. This is Dolph’s 14th Rumble. Edge is hitting Orton with a chair on the outside. Officials separate Orton and Edge, for some reason? They’re both still legal. Ziggler dumps out Hardy.
Jeff Hardy is eliminated.
Ziggler with a ZigZag to Edge. Ziggler is second all-time to Kane in Rumble appearances.
Entrant #7 – Shinsuke Nakamura
Nakamura is the third previous Rumble winner in this match. Zayn goes for a Helluva Kick on Nakamura but misses. Orton is being helped to the back by referees despite not being eliminated.
Entrant #8 – Carlito Caribbean Cool
Carlito is shredded, everyone. He immediately hits a Back Stabber on Nakamura. Then a Back Stabber to Ali. Orton is still selling his leg on the outside. Carlito nearly eliminates Zayn.
Entrant #9 – Xavier Woods
Woods goes straight after Ali to further their angle on SmackDown. Zayn prevents Woods from eliminating Ali. Ali returns the favor to Zayn shortly thereafter.
Entrant #10 – Big E
The Intercontinental Champ makes his way to the ring to help back up his New Day pal, Woods. They hit a double team splash on Zayn. Big E picks Sami up by his beard before Woods and E hit the Midnight Hour on Zayn.
Sami Zayn is eliminated.
Entrant #11 – John Morrison
This is Johnny Drip Drip’s 8th Rumble. Ali escapes elimination, as does Woods. Ali eliminates Woods as he tries to get back in the ring.
Xavier Woods is eliminated.
Ali is then tossed by E.
Mustafa Ali is eliminated.
Entrant #12 – Ricochet
Ricochet does some flippy shit and gets leveled by John Morrison. Big E launches Nakamura with an overhead suplex.
Entrant #13 – Elias
Hello, it is Elias. He has new music that kind of sucks. Elias hits Drift Away on Ricochet and Morrison in rapid succession. Elias hits Carlito with a knee and dumps him out.
Carlito Caribbean Cool is eliminated.
Entrant #14 – Damian Priest
The Archer of Infamy makes his main roster debut and becomes the first NXT talent to appear in this match. Priest wrecks everyone and looks quite nice in his new silver and white tights. He also eliminates Elias.
Elias is eliminated.
The camera keeps cutting to Randy Orton, so chances are he’ll be back at some point.
Entrant #15 – The Miz
We’re halfway home as Mr. Money in the Bank makes his 13th Rumble appearance. Miz destroys Bad Bunny’s DJ’s equipment which was still on the stage for some reason. Miz was humiliated by Bunny and Booker T earlier, so there’s the receipt. Bad Bunny makes his way out to the ring and takes his jacket off as if to fight Miz and Morrison. While distracted, Damian Priest eliminates Miz and Morrison.
John Morrison is eliminated.
The Miz is eliminated.
Bad Bunny does a dive on Miz and Morrison from the top rope to the outside. Hell yes.
Entrant #16 – [REDACTED] Riddle
The number one contender for the US title, a match we did not see tonight for some reason, makes his way out following the shenanigans with Bad Bunny. Nakamura and Riddle exchange strikes.
Entrant #17 – Daniel Bryan
Let’s go D-Bry, take your place among the immortals and win it. Bryan trading kicks with Ricochet. Bryan is suplexed and sells his neck because he just has to make us all worry.
Entrant #18 – Kane
It’s the Mayor of Knox County, Tenneseee! Follow him on Parler, folks! Kane chokeslams everyone in sight. He throws Ziggler and then Ricochet out.
Dolph Ziggler is eliminated.
Ricochet is eliminated.
We get a brief Team Hell No reunion as Michael Cole makes a Dr. Shelby reference. Kane and Damian Priest face off. Edge accidentally kicks a camera. Priest eliminates Kane.
Kane is eliminated.
Entrant #19 – King Corbin
Ugh! Corbin jogs to the ring like the jobber he is. Shinsuke Nakamura goes for a Kinshasa before Corbin reverses into Deep Six and eliminates Nakamura.
Shinsuke Nakamura is eliminated.
Entrant #20 – Otis
The original 2020 Money In the Bank winner, Otis makes his way out. Otis dumps Riddle on his head with a brutal suplex. He hits the Caterpillar on Priest. Otis wearing a sporty little singlet these days. He is eliminated by Corbin.
Otis is eliminated.
Daniel Bryan hits some kicks to Corbin in the corner.
Entrant #21 – Dominik Mysterio
Dom hits the ring and is immediately spinebuster’d out of his shoes by Corbin. Dominik then hurricanranas Corbin out.
King Corbin is eliminated.
Entrant #22 – Bobby Lashley
The current US Champ immediately levels Riddle before eliminating Dominik Mysterio and Damian Priest.
Dominik Mysterio is eliminated.
Damian Priest is eliminated.
Lashley squares off with Big E. Lashley sells the shock of being matched by E, power-wise.
Entrant #23 – The Hurricane
Commentary immediately no-sells the return of The Hurricane. He attempts a chokeslam on Lashley before Big E and Lashley team up to eliminate the super hero.
The Hurricane is eliminated.
Entrant #24 – Christian
It’s Christian! Captain Charisma is back! Lashley goes for Christian but he’s hung up on the ropes by Christian. The four others in the ring team up to eliminate Lashley.
Bobby Lashley is eliminated.
Edge and Christian are reunited in the 2021 Royal Rumble. Riddle appeals to both of them but gets met with some classic E & C offense.
Entrant #25 – AJ Styles
Styles squares off with Christian as AJ’s bodyguard, Omos lurks around outside. Edge has been in the match for 42 minutes. Randy Orton has too, but we’re supposed to forget about him. Styles is hit with a spear by Edge.
Entrant #26 – Rey Mysterio Jr.
Rey is wearing a beer sponsored mask. Cole shills Victoria Beer very quickly. He almost eliminates Styles, but Omos catches him and throws him back in. Omos reaches into the ring from the floor and pulls out Big E.
Big E is eliminated.
Entrant #27 – Sheamus
Another former winner enters the match. Sheamus hitting his clubs to the chest on Riddle, then Edge. He trades rights with Christian, who eats a Brouge Kick. Then he doles out another to Daniel Bryan. Shades of WrestleMania 28. Omos then pulls out Rey Mysterio.
Rey Mysterio is eliminated.
Entrant #28 – Cesaro
Michael Cole specifically mentions him as being on a bit of a roll lately. Cesaro then hits the Big Swing on Sheamus. He then avoids elimination. Cesaro now with a Big Swing on Daniel Bryan.
Entrant #29 – Seth Rollins
It’s the Monday Night Messiah, the 2019 Rumble winner making his return. He has not been on WWE TV since Survivor Series. Cesaro immediately blasts him with a European Uppercut.
Entrant #30 – Braun Strowman
There’s your lineup for the 2021 Royal Rumble. Strowman starts wrecking everyone. He tries to eliminate Styles, but again caught by Omos. He eliminates Cesaro instead, then Sheamus.
Cesaro is eliminated.
Sheamus is eliminated.
Strowman throws Styles to the side of the ring that Omos isn’t on and eliminates him.
AJ Styles is eliminated.
The final six are Edge, Christian, Rollins, Strowman, Bryan, and Riddle (and Orton.) Riddle and Bryan have a stare down and they trade chops. Bryan hits Knee Plus on Edge. Edge avoids elimination as Christian goes for an Unprettier on Bryan. He reverses and hits a dropkick to Strowman in the corner. He again squares off with Riddle. They grapple on the ground and pop Samoa Joe working submissions in a Rumble. Bryan and Riddle make their way to the ring apron before they get back in and Bryan hits a dropkick on Riddle. Rollins jumps Bryan from behind and eliminates him.
Daniel Bryan is eliminated.
Riddle hits Rollins with a ripcord knee, Rollins old finish when he couldn’t use the Stomp. Riddle is then tossed by Rollins.
Riddle is eliminated.
Final four is Rollins, Edge, Christian, Strowman. Rollins tries to recruit Strowman to team up and eliminate Edge and Christian. He declines and slams Rollins. He then bowls over both Edge and Christian. Christian and Strowman both get eliminated by Edge and Rollins. Edge eliminates Rollins! Randy Orton pops up out of nowhere and hits an RKO on Edge. Edge quickly recovers and eliminates Orton.
Christian is eliminated.
Braun Strowman is eliminated.
Seth Rollins is eliminated.
Randy Orton is eliminated.
Man, who would have thought Orton would do that? Thanks for joining me tonight folks, and remember if you drove, don’t drink. And if you did, don’t drive.