It’s finally time. Follow along with our WrestleMania 34 live coverage. Yes, all near seven hours-worth.
The big show is here. I was in New Orleans for a couple days and people are ready for the show. It’s been a fantastic wrestling weekend and the biggest show of them all is just about ready to start.
We’ll be here for the entire show. And my hands will be so tired from all the typing.
We’ll be back with the first match.
Andre The Giant Battle Royal
There’s so much going on, I’ll just list the highlights and lowlights.
– The answer to the trivia question of who was the first one eliminated is Aiden English.
– Goldust eliminated R-Truth and then dabbed.
– There was a chubby Luchador in the ring and I guess it was Sin Cara.
– Matt Hardy and Ty Dillinger did a “Delete!” and “Ten!” call and response with the crowd. Hardy won as Dillinger got tossed.
– Kane dumped Dolph Ziggler and then Baron Corbin dumped Kane.
Okay, we’re down to three. It’s Mojo Rawley vs Baron Corbin vs Matt Hardy. Well, except now, Bray Wyatt. He showed up. He and Hardy tossed out Rawley. Hardy then tossed out Corbin. I guess Wyatt wasn’t in the match technically. Hardy wins the match.
Winner: Matt Hardy
He thanked Bray Wyatt.
John Cena is in the crowd like he promised.
— Justin Barrasso (@JustinBarrasso) April 8, 2018
Cedric Alexander Vs Mustafa Ali
They slapped five before the match started. The match is okay, but I saw 10 matches in New Orleans at all the indy shows that were better. The best move was Ali hitting a Spanish Fly off the top rope. Ali went for his finisher off the top and Alexander tossed him off the top rope and he belly flopped on the outside. Alexander was very concerned for his opponent. Then, WWE played an inset commercial about Ronda Rousey to show us how silly it is to be concerned.
Ali hit his 054 splash from the top and Alexander got his foot on the bottom rope at the last minute. Ali went for it again, but Alexander moved again and he went splat. Alexander hit two back elbows. Ali wouldn’t stop getting up. Alexander hit a third and then hit the Lumbar Check for the win.
Winner: Cedric Alexander
Women’s Battle Royal
Some of the women like Becky Lynch, Bayley, and Sasha Banks got their own entrances. Other women got the generic women WrestleMania song entrance. There are several NXT women in the match.
– Carmella is the first women eliminated. Then Dana Brooke was next.
– The NXT women are Kavita Devi, Peyton Royce, Kairi Sane, Taynara Conti, Bianca Belair, and Dakota Kai.
– The NXT women originally teamed up to fight off everyone.
– The final six are the Riot Squad and Natalya and Sasha and Bayley.
It’s down to Bayley, Sarah Logan, and Sasha. Sarah Logan had Sasha ready to go out, but Bayley knocked her out and Sasha didn’t go out. Sasha and Bayley went to shake hands, but Bayley tossed her out. Bayley jumped around like she won the title.
Naomi came back into the ring as she wasn’t thrown over the top rope and she tossed Bayley to win the match.
Seth Rollins Vs The Miz Vs Finn Balor
This was an excellent way to start the big show. This was one of the Miz’s best matches. And it wasn’t like he was out of the match for a long time, letting the other guys work together.
The match went just over 15 minutes. Balor hit the double foot stomp from the top rope on Miz and went to pin him. Rollins hit the Curb Stomp on Balor, which bounced off Miz. Then Rollins hit the Curb Stomp on Miz for the pin.
Winner: Seth Rollins
Rollins is the new IC champ.
Charlotte Vs Asuka
Charlotte came out to her dad’s entrance music which morphed into her theme song which was very cool. Nice back and forth early on until Asuka used her ass to toss Charlotte into the barricade. Charlotte went for a moonsault and Asuka caught her in a triangle. Charlotte powered out and put her in a Boston Crab.
Asuka suplexed Charlotte from the apron to the floor. Looks like Charlotte got the wind knocked out of her. She mouthed, “I can’t breathe.” Back in the ring, Charlotte and Asuka went to the top rope and Charlotte hit the Spanish Fly from the top which is the same move that Ali and Cedric did on the pre-show.
Asuka put Charlotte in a submission that targeted her left shoulder. Charlotte went for the Figure 8, but Asuka didn’t let her get it. Then Charlotte hit a spear. She finally put on the Figure 8 and Asuka tapped out. The streak is over.
I think this was the best WWE match of Charlotte’s career. Asuka was damn good. Askua took the mic and said that Charlotte was ready for Asuka and then congratulated her.
A referee ran to where Cena was to tell him presumably something about the Undertaker. Cena ran as fast as he could up the ramp. He must have a major crush on Taker.
Bobby Roode Vs Rusev Vs Jinder Mahal Vs Randy Orton
Jinder Mahal won after hitting the Cobra Clutch Slam on Rusev, spoiling Rusev’s entire day.
Earlier in the match, Orton hit RKO’s on both Mahal and Rusev, but Roode reversed the one that had his name on it and hit his DDT. Mahal spoiled it.
Overall, it was a solid match, though the worst of the three main ones so far.
Winner: Jinder Mahal
Triple H & Stephanie McMahon Vs Kurt Angle & Ronda Rousey
Triple H and Stephanie came out on bikes. And Triple H is jacked beyond belief. Ronda came out in a kilt like Rowdy Roddy Piper.
Steph pie-faced Ronda and then pulled her down by her braid to get crazy heat before the match started. Kurt and Triple H start. Triple H basically played keep away with Kurt so Ronda couldn’t get into the ring. Stephanie was holding Kurt and Triple H went to hit Kurt, but Kurt moved and Triple H almost hit Stephanie.
Kurt went to make the tag to Ronda, but Stephanie pulled Ronda off the apron. Kurt finally made the tag and Ronda is a house of fire. She went for the arm bar, but Stephanie raked the eyes to get out of it. Triple H is out of the match and on the floor. Stephanie hit a DDT on Ronda for a two count. Ronda powered out of Steph pulling her arms behind and hit a version of a Samoan Drop on her. Triple H pulled the ref and then Ronda out of the ring.
Triple H then toss Kurt off one broadcaster’s table and onto the next. Triple H is helping Steph in the ring and Ronda, now back in the ring, bows up to him. Ronda hit him like a heavy bag and then put him on his shoulders before Steph broke it up and slapped Ronda. Ronda chased her around the ring and caught her, but Steph tossed her into the ring post.
Angle and Triple H are going at it inside the ring. Angle went for three Germans, but didn’t get the Angle Slam. Triple H went for the Pedigree, but Angle turned it into the ankle lock. Then he got the Angle Slam. Steph broke it up and tried to kick Kurt, who turned it into an ankle lock. Then Kurt had to eat a Pedigree. Ronda ran in to break it up. Kurt went to Pedigree Ronda, but Ronda turned it into a Hurricanrana and put him in an arm bar. Steph broke it up and put Ronda into a choke. Ronda dumped Steph over her head and sunk in the arm bar. Kurt had Triple H in an ankle lock. Triple H pulled Kurt into Ronda to break it up.
Triple H and Steph went for stereo pedigrees, but Kurt dumped Triple H and Ronda dumped Steph over her. Ronda then let Steph block the arm bar until she didn’t want her to anymore and she put it in deep and Steph tapped. That was great.
Winner: Kurt Angle and Ronda Rousey
They showed Dana in the crowd.
a ronda rousey fan pic.twitter.com/2yTHDAXUm4
— nick (@nick_pants) April 9, 2018
There’s another very evil man in the building tonight.
Minoru Suzuki working a Bob Uecker gimmick. pic.twitter.com/NoprOJN03S
— SemperMania XLII (@Sempervive) April 8, 2018
New Day Vs The Usos Vs The Bludgeon Brothers
The Bludgeon Brothers won that in close to a squash. Harper hit a powerbomb from the top rope on Kofi to win the match. The Bludgeon Brothers are the new Smackdown tag champs.
Winner: The Bludgeon Brothers
John Cena came out, ring entrance and all. A second referee came out to tell Cena something and he looks disappointed. He started to walk out of the ring. The arena went dark and then Elias came out with his guitar.
Cena beat him up and sent him away. Cena’s music played and then he started walking away dejectedly. Cena got to the top of the ramp and then the arena went dark again. Suddenly, Taker’s hat and gloves appeared in the middle of the ring. Then, there was some fake lightning and it disappeared. Finally, Taker’s music started playing. It’s now on.
John Cena Vs The Undertaker
This was a quick match. Cena got very little offense in. He even over-bumped on Taker’s big boot and it missed by a mile.
Cena went for his 5 Knuckle Shuffle, Taker sat up, and Cena begged off. Then he ate a chokeslam and a Tombstone. Game over.
Winner: The Undertaker
Shane McMahon & Daniel Bryan Vs Kevin Owens & Sami Zayn
Owens and Zayn ambushed them from behind. Bryan ate a Helluva kick and then was powerbombed on the edge of the apron. They called for help ringside. I don’t like the tempting fate stuff.
Shane’s going at them one on two. He was doing his sloppy Shane offense very well. But Owens and Zayn are now taking over.
Shane hung Zayn in the tree of woe and hit the coast to coast drop kick on him. Owens interfered and then hit a Frog Splash on Shane. Bryan is back in the match as he broke it up.
Bryan got the hot tag and ran wild. He hit his drop kicks into the corner on both guys. He was going to hit his running knee on Zayn and Owens grabbed his leg. Then Zayn hit his Helluva kick on Bryan and Owens hit his Popup Powerbomb, both for two counts. He knocked Zayn down with slaps and the hit his kicks to the chest and then one to the head. He set up the knee to the head and then put the Yes lock on Sami Zayn. Zayn tapped out.
Winner: Shane McMahon and Daniel Bryan
Alexa Bliss Vs Nia Jax
This match was so much longer than I thought it would be. And it wasn’t good. Nia beat up Mickie James to start the match so she couldn’t interfere. Then she rag-dolled Alexa until she caught her foot on the rope and Alexa worked her leg. She also raked her eye. She took her outside and hit the Twisted Bliss to the floor. Back inside, she got a two count on a DDT until Nia powered up. Every time Nia got some momentum, she would poke her in the eye.
The finish was Nia finally hitting her Samoan Drop from the second rope.
Winner: Nia Jax
Shinsuke Nakamura Vs AJ Styles
Nakamura had an incredible entrance. Nita Strauss played the intro and then played along with a band who played him out. It was a rockstar entrance.
The story of the match was that AJ had an answer to just about everything that Nakamura did. I don’t think the announcers got that part of the story out very well. AJ went for the Styles Clash, but Nakamura dumped him over the top rope. But then he went for the Phenomenal Forearm and Nakamura got him before he could jump and hit a sitout powerbomb with him on his shoulders.
AJ threw a Jon Jones kick at Nakamura’s knee. Then he put the Calf Killer on him. Nakamura turned it into a triangle, which AJ sat in for a while before finally picking him up and dropping him on his neck. Nakamura has a bad wheel and AJ’s back is hurting. Nakamura put AJ on the top turnbuckle and went to knee him, but AJ moved and Nakamura kneed the buckle. AJ then hit the Phenomenal Forearm for a great two count. Styles went for the springboard 450 and Nakamura got his legs up. He cradled Styles for a two count.
Nakamura went for the Kinsasha, but Styles turned it into the Styles Clash. Styles wins.
Winner: AJ Styles
After the match, Nakamura grabbed the belt, got on one knee, and then gave it to Styles. Styles raised it up. Nakamura was still on one knee and then gave Styles a low blow. He then kicked him out of the ring and to the floor. He then gave him the Kinsasha on the floor.
Sheamus & Cesaro Vs Braun Strowman & Nicholas
Braun pulled a kid out of the audience to be his tag team partner. This is as ridiculous as it sounds. Strowman worked the match, tagged out, was immediately tagged back in and then Braun hit the powerslam on Cesaro.
Winner: Braun Strowman and Nicholas
Roman Reigns Vs Brock Lesnar
Match started super quick with suplexes and Superman punches. Brock took the match outside and gave Roman two belly to belly over head suplexes. On one of them, Roman may have hit his head.
Brock cleared the German announcer’s table, but Roman speared him onto it. Back inside the ring, Roman hit the Superman punch and two spears and got a two count. Reigns went for another spear and Lesnar got a knee up. Reigns kicked out.
Brock hit the F5 and Reigns kicked out. He hit another F5 and Reigns kicked out again. He hit a third and Reigns kicked out again. Lesnar then gave him an F5 through the table. He then gave him another F5 and he kicked out. Lesnar took off his gloves and busted Reigns open. He went for another F5 and Reigns got out of it. He hit two spears and Brock kicked out.
He went for another spear and Brock hit the F5 and he pinned him.
Winner: Brock Lesnar