Who even know this was the poster for this show. It’s actually quite scary.
We’re on the usual post-WrestleMania malaise where things seem weird and awkward and booking is a rehash of what we just saw at WrestleMania. It’s low energy time in WWE. However, this year, it’s going to be interesting to see what they do. The draft is tomorrow. There’s no Shawn Michaels to turn to and it looks like Batista is a goner as well. Someone has to be pushed right? And stop laughing about Jack Swagger.
1. Triple H vs. Sheamus
By opening with this match, it screams angle alert. Well, the match never got started. Sheamus jumped HHH in the back and hit him a few times with a pipe. Triple H needs medical attention.
ShowMiz, who aren’t even on the card, are out to talk. Miz is hyping tomorrow’s Raw where Bret Hart has to announce them as the greatest tag team. Teddy Long comes out and says ShowMiz will have to face a team of his choosing and if they beat ShowMiz, they’ll receive a future tag title shot. Miz won’t stop talking so Teddy adds two more teams. And before Miz can make it four, Show closes his mouth.
2. R-Truth and John Morrison vs. ShowMiz
Yet another WrestleMania rematch. I hope they give them more time this time, but if Teddy’s sending three teams at them, I’m going to guess they won’t. And isn’t the gauntlet gimmick supposed to be for the faces who have to go through hoops? This is kind of weird.
Morrison had an arm bar on Big Show while hanging over the top rope and he was disqualified for not breaking the five count.
3. MVP and Mark Henry vs. ShowMiz
Mark Henry isn’t fired yet?
By the way, is a gauntlet match in which you can get disqualified for not breaking the 5 count on the ropes extreme? MVP had Miz pinned but Show punched him right in the face and Miz pinned him.
4. The Hart Dynasty vs. ShowMiz
Well, maybe this can save this terrible segment. Bret Hart came out with them.
It was the shortest of all. Both Harry Boy and TJ kicked Show off the apron and hit their version of the Hart Attack for the pin. They get a tag title shot tomorrow. Both of my kids popped so maybe this was actually ok.
Winner: The Hart Dynasty
5. CM Punk vs. Rey Mysterio
For whatever reason, only Punk’s hair is on the line. Again, this is so backwards. Why is the heel the only one who has something to lose? Rey looks abnormally fat tonight.
The match is just ok so far. Lots of Punk working Rey without a lot of Rey offense. Serena and Gallows got sent to the back because she grabbed Rey’s leg. You mean, instead of a DQ?
The match definitely picked up. There was a great two count after Rey reversed Punk’s GTS into a West Coast Pop. Rey went for the 619, but a bald guy in a hood came out and dropped Rey on his head and Punk hit the 619 and got the pin.
If Christopher Daniels wasn’t already in ROH, I’d think it was him under the hood.
Winner: CM Punk
Well, no head shaving tonight. I guess we’ll get that mask vs. hair match after all.
6. Shad vs. JTG
Matt Striker just said that JTG needs to win this one to get respect back from his hood. Come on Striker. He even used Jay-Z’s 13 year old phrase, “The streets are watching.”
This is a strap match and I have no idea why, other than it’s supposed to be extreme.
The crowd was pretty dead for the match. Shad was on offense and then went to touch the corners, not knowing JTG was touching the corners behind him, and of course, JTG hit a move and then touched the last corner. That’s how you get respect from your hood. You touch four corners of a wrestling ring.
Supposedly Triple H has nerve damage in his neck. If this was Kevin Nash, I’d think he has the jobbing flu.
7. Jack Swagger vs. Randy Orton
This PPV needs some help.
This was a weird match to me. The heat was odd because Orton gets cheered, but he doesn’t act like a babyface or play to them. They worked around the idea that someone was getting hit with a chair. Orton killed Swagger out of the ring with garbage can shots to the head. Orton hit the middle rope DDT and was setting up for the RKO. He noticed the chair in the ring and got the bright idea that he was going to RKO Swagger onto the chair. As if, the RKO doesn’t usually finish the match. Swagger pushed him off and Orton hit the small of his back on the chair. Then Swagger hit the gut-wrench powerbomb for the win.
Winner: Jack Swagger
Of course, Orton RKO’d him after the match and Swagger was laid out.
Sheamus came out and wanted to be declared the winner. Of course, Triple H came out, but he can’t move one of his arms. So he’s putting over Sheamus without really putting him over. Bummer.
8. Sheamus vs. Triple H
Either I’m not feeling it tonight, or maybe that great WEC show last night is clouding my judgment, but this match was tremendously boring. Sheamus had to hit this guy with the kitchen sink to win the match. HHH was like Rocky Balboa. He hit Sheamus hard with the kendo stick, which looked cool because Sheamus is so white and he welted up. Finally, finally, finally, Sheamus hit him with the kick twice and HHH stayed down. This show must suck badly for the live crowd.
If HHH is going away for a bit, why did he need to be injured before being beat up? They only have about an hour left and they have three matches still.
9. Michelle McCool vs. Beth Phoenix
Beth won the match. I fast forwarded it. I can’t take much more of this show.
Winner: Beth Phoenix
10. Edge vs. Chris Jericho
.saveus22 from this PPV.
Very good match, though it seemed really long. Maybe it’s just the stink of this show. They used the regular steel cage spots with Jericho always trying to escape the cage and Edge catching him at the last moment. They didn’t do anything dumb like jumping off the top. The most creative spot was when they were both on the top rope and then Jericho came off, ran against the ropes, jumped and gave Edge the codebreaker all the way down to the mat.
Edge eventually pinned Jericho after punishing him a bit with the spear.
11. Batista vs. John Cena
The match has Last Man Standing stips. I don’t like Last Man Standing matches. It’s very apropos that this ends the show for me since I’ve hated nearly all of this show.
There wasn’t much to say about the match. The coolest spot was the near the finish when Batista tried to give Cena the Batista Bomb through the announcers’ table and Cena turned it into a FU. Batista got up at 9. Back in the ring, Batista then put Cena through the table with a spinebuster. Cena got up at 9. Batista hit the Batista Bomb, in the ring and Cena got up at 9 again. After Cena put the STFU on Batista and Batista got up at 9, he taped Batista’s legs together around the ring post and Batista couldn’t get up.
Winner: John Cena
It was an interesting finish, though kind of anticlimactic in an extreme rules show. They literally went to one minute before the end of the show, which is surprising because they never do that. This show really ran long and it wasn’t for the better.