Every week I will try look at Raw, ECW, TNA, and Smackdown and give my thoughts. These are just my thoughts ladies and gentlemen, just my thoughts.

Random wrestling thoughts for the week of July 14, 2008:

Raw

• If Stephanie and Shane wanted to get this message across of unity, shouldn’t they be telling the wrestlers instead of the fans? And shouldn’t they also abolish all heels?
• Having Chris Jericho and Shawn Michaels open the show fighting, but near the end of their battle, proved that Raw can be unpredictable, but I wanted to see all of it, not just the tail end.
• What a bad boyfriend John Cena is.
• It’s actually a great heel move to both save your girl and get an Intercontinental Title shot out of it, but it kind of makes the babyface look dumb.

• “Where is Punk?” says Kane. Santino replies, “Did you try the Pepsi machine?” Hahahahahahahahahaha!

• The only reason John Cena isn’t one of the greatest on the mic of all time is because of the material he’s given. His delivery, while a bit over the top and at times forced, is pretty flawless.
• I wonder if Santino losing to Beth Phoenix is a direct reply to Abyss beating on Awesome Kong. WWE takes the man on woman and makes it humorous while TNA takes it seriously, but hypocritically so.
• I hope they continue to let Cody Rhodes speak. He’ll never be his dad on the mic, but he has a great delivery and speaks clearly.
• “Unless you think you can become a champion, you shouldn’t even be in the WWE.” Did Stone Cold really say that?
• Hey CM Punk, we know you’re the champ, but during your run, you’re going to win by the skin of your teeth and then get your butt kicked by the real stars.
• If Jamie Noble were truly only about a half foot taller, he’d be one of the best guys going in the business.
• Those are either a great pair of jeans, or Layla has a great badonkadonk. I think you know the answer to that.
• That was a terrible ending to the main event, and wow, Cena’s STFU was even worse. He didn’t even pull up on Cody’s neck.
• There were other things that made the ending of the show terrible. You had a weak finish to a fun match. You had a game of hide and seek on National TV. And you had an attempted murder.
• And if JBL killed Cena, isn’t he killing his entire customer base for MamaJuana?
• Who do we see next week? Shane ‘O Mac or the return of King William?

ECW

• Mark Henry might be my favorite wrestler just for folding that pan with his bare hands.
• When did Mike Knox start looking like The Berzerker?
• Evan Bourne reminds me of a young (and clean shaven) X-Pac with those wacky jumping reverse kicks.
• There was a guy in the audience that was doing Jeff Hardy’s dance very badly. And his friends have this on DVR and will put it on YouTube soon.
• If I ever get a Mohawk haircut, I want one like the Miz.
• And you’re telling me that tag team wrestling can’t draw?
• I’ll take a tag team feud between The Hardy’s and Miz and Morrison over nearly every program not named Jericho/Michaels on WWE TV today.

TNA Impact

• Joe just cut a money promo on Booker T and finally didn’t look like a cry baby and a whiner.
• Kaz looks like he slept in the tanning booth.
• Remember when Rick Steiner was the goofy big oaf brother and drew faces on his hands and stuff? Is that who they’re trying to have Eric Young mimic? Or is it a less retarded version of George “The Animal” Steele? Perry Saturn?
• After Joe cut that great promo at the beginning of the show, he just gave it all back complaining to Nash about not being able to put Booker away. It’s like the Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde of promos.
• I like Matt Morgan, but they’re trying to push him as the new Brock Lesnar and that’s not going to work.
• Borash looks like a tool wearing designer jeans.
• They finally find something for Karen Angle to do, and it’s a segment called Karen’s Angle? That’s the name of the segment?
• Wait, so the six man match went backwards from Full Metal Mayhem to an elimination tables match?
• And wow, did you see Bubba jump over that top rope? That big guy can move.
• In their Royal Rumble match, I mean, the Knockouts’ Gauntlet match, Angelina Love pushed Jacqueline out of the way to get to Gail Kim and when Jacqueline pushed her back, Love said, “What? I hate her!” That was great.
• Rakka Khan is this week’s worst wrestler.
• Gail Kim is really trying to bump her ass off for these terrible women.
• I think more eliminations happened during the commercial than when the match was actually on.
• Velvet Sky is hot. And water is also wet.
• Why did Jay Lethal ever like that red headed wench again? She’s no Elizabeth. She could never be Elizabeth.
• Sonjay Dutt pretended to be hit by Jay Lethal so that So Cal Val would have sympathy for him, except that he doesn’t expect Jay or anyone to tell her that he lied and to watch the tape?
• Did we need to see Scott D’Amore’s ass crack, even in blurred form?
• If Joe stuffed Booker in the ambulance and then drove it himself, then Russo would be copying himself yet again.

Smackdown

• Wait, we only get to see the end of the wedding?
• Why am I spending so much time looking at Chavo’s new hair?
• Is Edge going to guest referee in his tux? Are Hawkins and Rider going to wrestle in their tuxes? Why isn’t this a tuxedo match and where is Howard Finkel?
• Sing along: “Together, it’s you and me forever.”
• I still think Shelton Benjamin looks like Sisqo from Dru Hill.

• Poor Cherry. She lost to Natalya and Vickie in less than 10 seconds. And then she had to take the Sharp Shooter with her ass hanging out and her dress pulled up.
• Who knew that Suge Knight was Brian Kendrick’s bodyguard?
• And why does his walk remind me of Alex Wright, when he’s supposed to remind me of Shawn Michaels?
• It’s nice to know that the evil Brian Kendrick still uses the Sliced Bread #2 as his finisher.
• Mr. Kennedy is the incredibly shrinking man.
• The look on Vickie’s face said it all while watching Kennedy and Umaga. Vickie, I felt the same way.
• At least it ended in entertaining fashion.
• Let me get this straight. Miz and Morrison have beaten Finlay and Hornswaggle as well as Jesse and Festus. Yet they lost to the Hardys. And the Hardys aren’t in the title match at the Great American Bash? Hmmm.
• I love the phrase “skin the cat”, but I have no idea why hanging onto the ropes and pulling oneself up backwards is called that.
• Matt Hardy looked like a slow Ricardo Almeida with his guillotine attempt on Jeff Hardy. Oh by the way, they are wrestling together because Edge doesn’t like them and it’s his wedding night. As if humping Lita wasn’t enough.
• So Edge screwed the wedding planner? This is supposed to make him the heel to these teenage boys in the crowd?
• I’m a little bummed out because I loved Vickie as a heel and am not sure she’s all that great as a babyface, but the angle was well done.

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